Life goes on...

I am thankful that my parents were here this weekend. I think it was definitely God's timing that they had had this tripped planned for a few weeks and then we ended up needing them. My mom and I had a wonderful time together and even did a little shopping. Having my mom here at this time helped me to focus on other things and sometimes that is good. My Dad spent all of his time with Clancy and boy did they have fun! It was also nice for Clancy to be able to have time with them and not be as affected by these events. We even had a small birthday party for Clancy and CiCi and Poppa gave him their gifts! Even though he is almost 5, he still very much understands that something happened. Kids know way more than we give them credit for! My parents left for home this morning and now life goes on....

This morning it was very difficult to get up and go to church, but I knew that is where I needed to be. I was very emotional and kept telling myself to stop crying! Seriously, just stop crying! However, there were people there to comfort me and I knew that was where I was supposed to be. It was a wonderful service and I was blessed to be there. I know that the people there truly care about me and are hurting along with us. 

Now, it's Sunday afternoon and tomorrow I will go back to work and teach 23 students all day and pretend that everything is ok. Is everything ok, not really. I am hurting deeply and have many questions as to why this happened, but I will go to work tomorrow and do my best! The students I teach deserve to have a teacher that is there and cares about their learning.

I know people will ask me how I'm doing tomorrow and I am normally the kind of person that always says everything is great, however, right now, everything is not great. I am struggling and I think it's ok for me to not pretend everything is great. Am I learning through this process? Is God teaching me new things, yes! But that doesn't make it any easier and that doesn't mean that everything has to be great. Sometimes when God teaches us things it is painful and that is definitely where I'm at. I refuse to accept that this just happened and God doesn't have a greater plan. I believe with all my heart that something good will come from all of this! I just have to be patient to see what that is. Thank you all for your prayers as Clint and I both deal with the pain this has caused. 

One thing I have learned since all of this began is just how thankful I should be for Clancy's life!  I didn't know it at the time, but he truly is my little miracle child and we love him more now than we ever thought possible!