I am so thankful for friendship and encouragement in the body of Christ! It helps me to hear from friends and know they are praying for me. It is also nice to know that I am not alone. Going through the process of losing a baby one time, much less three times, can feel lonely. I find myself struggling with anxiety and being scared. This is when I know I need to be on my knees praying for peace. I cannot let the anxiety rule my life. Clint has been my rock and by my side through it all and to be quite honest, our marriage is stronger after going through everything. He is hurting just like me, but of course men deal with things differently that women. Let's just say he won't be blogging anytime soon! Ha!
Sometimes people will tell me that I am strong and that they can't believe how positive I am. To them I say, "when I am weak, He is strong." Through Jesus is the only way I am strong and in turn act positive. I also tend to keep things bottled up inside because it seems as though if I don't talk about it then it will go away. I know that is not good either. I need to grieve and this blog is allowing me a place to do that.
Another thing that I do to "forget" is to wrap myself up in my job...not necessarily bad, but not really good either. I don't need to forget what happened. I need to allow God to use me through this and reach out to people in similar situations. Am I ready to get back to my classroom, you betcha! I don't think sitting around all day sleeping, being depressed is going to do me any good. I need to let my light shine to whoever I see and sitting at home will not get that done.
I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks to discuss the next steps. I will be anxious to hear what he has to say. There have been more tests run and I am fully aware they may show nothing and I will be frustrated, but that doesn't mean we will give up! We will continue to seek God and pray that his will be done in our lives!
Bridget
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